This is me emptying my brain, which I haven't been able to do in quite some time. I STILL won't be able to do it to it's fullest extent, because this is a public forum. There's more, but, chances are, if I felt like talking about it to you, I've probably already talked to you about it. But, you never know. Ask me what's going on in my life once or twice and I may eventually give you an answer.
There's a Bible verse that has ran through my mind a lot recently. Romans 8:28. It's enough to keep going sometimes.
Because I've had a lot going on in the last few months. A lot to persevere through. Not only in the theatre world, but just in life. And it's been rough, I'm not going to lie.
And I look at the future...specifically, the next five months where there are, to my knowledge, four plays going on in the Atlanta area that I could be in. Four. That's it. All at places I've never worked before. All at places I'm desperate to get in to. I have an audition for one, and I'm doing work (tm Kobe) trying to get as prepared as possible for it, but I can only impress people if I can get into the room... Which is what I'm working on for those other three.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned. If I don't get into one of these, we're looking at at least an eight month stretch without theatre work. Intimidating? Yes. Intimidated? No. Won't allow it.
I need a vacation. I'm going to Florida four times in the next few months. Two for auditions (Looks like I spoke too soon about that whole, "Done driving to far off auditions," thing, eh?) and two for plans I previously had. Those will be good for me.
Then, planning. Taking a good, hard look at this next year, finding out where the fat is, and cutting it. Adding more out of town auditions, and truly considering them. Going to Washington DC's generals. Going to Cincinnati's generals. I may not be as good as you, but I will out-hustle you any day of the week.
And there's the personal life, where sometimes, I just need to slow it down, sit in the dark, watch the rain and listen to Royksopp. Let the bass thump in my chest and breathe in the night air. And there's nothing wrong with having a moment of recalibration. I've just had a bit too many in the last few months.
So, here it is...my final moment of recalibration for a bit. I'm going to take a deep breath, close my eyes and step out there.
I want to know that, in life, I'm working for His purpose. Sometimes, it's quiet on that front. But that's the joy of it, you know? Knowing that I'm taken care of, even if I see no tangible proof of it. That's what faith is all about.